The Conspiracy
by thegirlwhowondered
Summary: Ten years after he graduates, Kenji finally blows the whistle on the feminist conspiracy. Well...sort of.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, so I was given this prompt by heteromorphic-nonconformity on Tumblr a little while ago:**

**"****_How about a 10 years onward kind of thing where Kenji finally cracks the feminist conspiracy, and in an ironic twist, the leader is the nurse_****"**

**and honestly had no clue how to write it without doing a 10-book extravaganza. So I did what any (in)sane person would do. I fell back on pathetic, half-assed humour.**

**Warnings include: One or two instances of bad language, and horrible use of gender stereotypes.**

**I just know I'm gonna regret this, but anyway...Enjoy!**

* * *

_"You aren't even a little worried?"_  
_"Why should we be? It's not like anyone takes him seriously."_  
_"She has a point. Everyone thinks he's a nut anyway! So no matter what he 'discovers', I'd say we're pretty safe."_  
_"Exactly! So just relax. Kenji Setou is not a threat to our cause."_

The sound of footsteps pierced the perfectly silent night air. A scrawny, bespectacled man raced along the hall, doubling back on himself every few meters to recover yet another piece of paper he dropped from the stack in his arms before continuing on his urgent path. Despite the fact that he'd graduated many years beforehand, he still had a reliable contact on the inside. And just then, a reliable contact was exactly what he needed.  
He skidded to a stop, narrowly avoiding a collision with the nurse's office door. It was late, but Kenji had phoned ahead, so he should still be up.  
"Nurse!" Kenji called in a shouting whisper, rapidly kicking the door. "Open up!"  
The door opened to reveal the tired but smiling face of Yamaku's resident nurse. "Ah, Kenji. There you are. So what's so important that you needed to see me so urgently, hm?"  
Kenji took a deep breath before announcing, "I've cracked it!"  
The nurse tilted his head, that grin still in place. He didn't look confused; merely curious. After all, there was only one 'it" Kenji ever talked about cracking. "You mean the feminist conspiracy? You've found something, haven't you?"  
Ah, Kenji always could count on the school nurse to not ridicule him. "I did indeed."  
"What is it?"  
The corners of Kenji's mouth tilted upwards slightly. "I found their base."


	2. Chapter 2

"Why are we outside a shoe store?" The nurse asked, breathing warm air into his hands and rubbing them together. It was certainly chilly out at this time.  
Kenji didn't appear bothered by the cold night air. "Where else are a bunch of women going to hide their secret base which serves as a control centre to their takeover of over the entire world?"  
The nurse nodded nonchalantly. "I see your point. But it's all locked up and there are alarms. However will we get in?"  
Kenji held up a finger. "I think you'll find that men are the master of disguise when we want to be." He began pulling various items out of the bag draped over his shoulder - and within ten minutes, both Kenji and the nurse were wearing wigs, makeup and heels. To Kenji, they looked grossly feminine. To anyone else, they probably looked entirely ridiculous.  
"Are you ready?" Kenji whispered, fixing a tiny hidden camera in the clip of his wig. "All we need is one hard piece of evidence, and then we can blow the whistle on the women of the world."  
The nurse chuckled and nodded. "I'm ready whenever you are."  
Kenji cleared his throat, before calling out the password to the wind: "does my butt look big in this?"  
And the front doors opened.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh, this is amazing," Kenji whispered as they followed a set of stairs out the back to what seemed to be some kind of underground bunker.  
The nurse nodded, looking around as they climbed down. That smile of his actually slipped a little. "It's incredible. They've really got themselves set up here."  
Kenji's eyes widened as he took in everything within his limited field of vision Many of the women there, he recognised from school. And much of the technology, he recognised from science fiction movies. There were those student council bitches; and the crazy, loud, pink-haired one seemed to be fixing something to her deaf companion's ear. And that blind blonde girl seemed to be walking around with no trouble, with the help of an unusually huge pair of...not glasses, but something similar. And Emi what's-her-face's prosthetics seemed different. Even Tezuka was all done up, with bright, flashing fake robotic arms. It was truly incredible. Obviously evil, yes, but incredible.  
All was going well, until a feminine voice stopped Kenji in his path. "Why, hello there."  
Kenji swallowed and wheeled around. "Hello," he greeted in a ridiculously high voice.  
"So," returned the blonde-haired, red-eyed woman. "You must be new! I'm Akira, and you?"  
"What about me?" Kenji demanded defensively.  
Akira tilted her head. "...What's your name?"  
"Oh! Uh..." He had to think quick. "My name is...Kenjina."  
Akira gazed a Kenji suspiciously for several minutes before lightening up. "Ok, Kenjina! Good to have you."  
Kenji sighed internally. Crisis averted. "Well, I ought to be off...stuff to do and clothes to try on and all. I'll, uh, check in later."  
"Oh, I know you will." The voice that came from behind Kenji was definitely male - and all too familiar. A pair of hands grabbed his wrists, pinning them behind his back.  
Kenji let out a startled gasp as the nurse retrained him, and yanked his wig away.


	4. Chapter 4

"YOU TRAITOR!" Kenji screamed, along with a whole string of profanities.  
"Hey now, is that any way to address your old school nurse?" He asked in that chipper voice of his.  
"What're you going to do with him?" Akira asked, folding her arms over her chest.  
"Why are you asking him?" Kenji asked gesturing to the nurse who had already stripped off his heels, wig and makeup. "He is a man."  
"Indeed I am," the nurse agreed with a laugh. "I also orchestrate this little operation."  
"Why?" Kenji asked. "Come on, you may as well tell me since I'll never see daylight again."  
The nurse shrugged. "Well, anyone who's been subjected to hours of listening to the petty problems of teenage children who usually have only minor bumps and bruises is bound to drive anyone insane. It was never the girls. It was always the boys who were the worst. So I figure if I wipe out the men, then maybe I can actually do something useful with my job here and there."  
"WAHAHA~! Wrong again." Kenji would know that obnoxious laughter anywhere.  
"Do you really think we need you? This many women, hanging onto the word of one man to get by?"  
"I think not!" Chimed in that irritating little ankle-biter, Emi. "We only kept you around to keep on _Kenjina's_ trail, just in case his crazy mind somehow magically stumbled across something. Now we have him, we don't really need you, now do we?"  
"Whoa-hang on!" The nurse reeled back, keeping Kenji in front of him as a human shield. "You can't turn against me! I'm your leader. Without me, you wouldn't have half these advancements."  
"Yes indeed, thank you dearly for that," agreed that blind bitch. "But like Emi-San said, we don't really need you now. Either one of you."  
"What are you going to do to us?" Kenji demanded. If he was going to go down, he would be facing his enemies with all the manly honour in the world. Not like the nurse, who was shaking all over.  
"Oh," Akira mused, as she and several other women approached the two men. "We'll think of something devious, rest assured."


	5. Chapter 5

Kenji stumbled as another full bag was dumbed on top of the pile in his arms, his eyes darting around the shopping centre nervously as he silently pleaded for help from other patrons; but no one spared him a second glance.  
"Hey," Rin asked as she examined a rack of tops. "Where did Emi make off to with that nurse guy?"  
"Oh, they're shopping for tampons," Lilly answered, handing a coat over to Akira, who in turn dumped it on Kenji.  
"You're not too bad at carrying shopping," Akira said in a voice that did not sound like a compliment. "Perhaps, once we take over the world, we'll keep you around after all."


End file.
